Purpose: To help ISKCON members in Radhadesh be prepared to successfully execute the significant responsibilities of the grhastha ashrama.
Guidelines:
1. Before any other step towards marriage is taken, those considering entering grhastha asrama should carefully study relevant instructions on the matter from Srila Prabhupada’s books.
· (two recommended titles of compilations are “According to religious principles” by Urmila DD And “Success in the grhastha Asrama” by Jaya Sila Prabhu)
2. Every devotee intending to enter grhastha asrama should seek guidance from local, senior grhastha’s concerning the issues involved;
a) the spiritual foundation principles,
b) responsibilities of husband and wife,
c) resolving disagreements,
d) financial support,
e) compatibility of spouse,
f) proper attitudes towards facing the challenges presented by grhastha life,
g) life-long commitment, etc.
Devotee couples experiencing problems during marriage should also seek guidance from suitable, experienced devotee couples.
3. Devotees should seek blessings from their spiritual masters & parents for their change in asrama.
4. Maximum care should be taken in selecting an appropriate marriage partner with full consideration of the compatibility of each partner’s individual natures, aspirations, tastes, backgrounds and other relevant issues. We should not approach devotees who didn’t show interest in changing asrama. Only when there are obvious sighs the candidate could be approached by his local authorities.
5. Betrothed couples should have a minimal engagement period of 6 months.
6. The society takes no responsibility for the marriage of individuals but acts only in an advisory and facilitating capacity.
The individual takes full
responsibility for the success of their marriage.
7. Traveling devotees who like to get married with in the community resident devotees should become resident themselves for a minimum of 3 years.
8. If a suitable spouse cant be found in the community the community will offer whatever assistance it can to find a suitable spouse outside the country.
9. Candidates should be made aware of the fact that the community in most cases will not be able to support them financially.
As far as possible, ISKCON Temple Presidents shall accommodate brahmacaris and/or brahmacarinis whose transition to grhastha life requires them to undertake employment outside of the temple. For up to 6 months during their engagement and/or after their marriage, as the case may be, Temple Presidents shall allow such devotees room and board in the asrama in exchange for part time service and/or a modest rent while they prepare themselves economically* to live outside of the asrama.
A. When approached by a devotee aspiring to marry, the Temple President refers the devotee to form an advisory council of three senior grhasthas of his or her choice. The council should help the devotee determine:
Is the devotee ready to marry? (i.e. mature, able to fulfill the incumbent responsibilities, possessing a suitable attitude, be prepared to develop financial stability etc.).
B. The chairperson of the advisory council then reports the council’s conclusions to the Temple President.
If the devotee has received the blessings of his/her advisory council to proceed further then the Temple President will approach that devotee’s desired partner to see if they are ready to consider, in principle, a change of asrama. (it not advised to approach devotees who are not willing to change asrama). If the person is agreeable the Temple President will invite them to go through the same procedure as above mentioned.
C. No further step is taken unless and until both brahminical councils have given their blessings and both individuals are happy to proceed further. Otherwise, the candidate may be asked to wait (if the partner is right but not the time) or select an alternative choice of marriage partner (in which case steps A and B are followed again).
However, if both councils and both individuals are agreeable then the Temple President will introduce the individuals. They are permitted to meet in a public area to talk to each other to see if they wish to take things further - with the clear understanding that no commitment is being entered into at this point.
D. After that initial meeting they inform the Temple President whether they wish to pursue the relationship further. If so, for a period of one month they are permitted to meet once a week (no time restriction) to get to know each other better. At the end of that time, they meet with the Temple President to inform him whether they wish to become formally engaged or not. The couple which decide to enter into engagement are informed that engagement is a serious commitment which should result in marriage (and not be entered into or broken off whimsically). However, they are counseled not to marry until they are sure that they will never separate and that, ultimately they are each free to break the engagement if they so decide . The Temple President also explains while living in the asrama how the engaged couple should behave with due consideration for the brahmacari/brahmacarini residents (which may include that they are accommodated separately from the regular brahmacari/brahmacarinis - though not living together).
E. The engagement lasts a minimum of 1/2 year after which time the couple are married legally and, later, when it is seen that the marriage is stable, married by fire sacrifice.
This
paper is a edited copy of the GBC Grhasta Guideline #160 paper, with the
purpose to adjust it to the needs of the Radhadesh community.