THE KING AND THE GENIE "COMEDY"
SCENE ONE Enter the king amidst cheers and applause.... introduces himself and then decides he would like to do something more for the citizens. Has an idea and calls out for his servant.........
King: Baksheesh! Were on earth is that foolish servant of mine? (enter Baksheersh, licking his fingers. Falls over)
Baksheesh: Yes, my lord? etc...
King: I've just had a brilliant idea... (Baksheesh: Oh no!)... Baksheesh I want you to go down to the market place and buy up all the wares that have not been sold yet today... and I want you to bring them to me and do you know what I'm going to do with them all? (Baksheesh: No your majesty!) I'm going to distribute them to all needy people in my kingdom! Isn't that a brilliant idea?!! (Yes your majesty) A marvellous idea? (Oh yes your majesty) A wonderful idea?!! (Yes yes yes your majesty!!!) Alright then Baksheesh.The shops close at six and so theres no time to lose you better get going at once!
Baksheesh: At once your majesty!!! (turns and falls over, gets up and runs out)
SCENE TWO THE MARKET PLACE (on stage is old lady asleep with her table of wares (the genie) in front of her) enter Baksheesh, breathless.........
Baksheesh: Oh no! I took a wrong turning. I'm late and all the shops are closed. If I come back empty handed the King will have my head!!! Ah heres an old lady selling her wares, hey old lady! Old lady!!! She's not only old, shes deaf as apost as well!! Okay everybody I think you're going to have to help me wake her up. After three I want you all to shout out wakey! Wakey! Wakey! Right...1...2...3... Wakey!! Wakey!!!
Old lady: Oh who woke me up?!
Baksheesh: It's me, Baksheesh. I've come in the name of the King!
Old lady: Sing? I don't want you to sing!!!
Baksheesh: No no king!!! The king ordered me to buy everything in the market place! So how much do you want for the lot?
Old lady: All right, then you can have everything for 200 pounds!
Baksheesh: Ok, that sounds fair. (Gives the money to the old lady and picks up all the goods) (spots the old lamp....) Hey what about that old lamp?
Old lady: It's not for sale!
Baksheesh: But the King ordered me to buy everything!
Old lady: I told you, it's not for sale!!!
Baksheesh: Ok, Ok, I get the message! (runs out...)
SCENE THREE The palace. King pacing up and down in anxiety.....
King: Oh where is that servant of mine? He can't do anything right! Baksheesh!!! (enter Baksheesh who runs in and trips dropping all the goods....)
King: Ah Baksheesh my faithful servant, you accomplished your mission I see. Is that all the goods then?
Baksheesh: Yes your majesty, that's almost everything!
King: What do you mean, "almost", Baksheesh didn't I tell you to get everything? (Yes my lord) So why did you disobey my order?
Baksheesh: I'm sorry my lord, there was this old lady you see and had this old lamp. It was just an old lamp you see and didn't want to sell it. I mean I told her you wanted everything, but she insisted so I didn't buy it......
King: She insisted eh? (Yes your majesty) Baksheesh Baksheesh Baksheesh! You know I've always said that that servant of mine Baksheesh has got a good head on his shoulders.... Well lets keep it there shall we? Baksheesh don't you realise that somewhere out there in the night there may be some poor old with no lamp to light up her life? (Baksheesh begins to weep. Loudly and pitifully. The king comforts him....) There, there, all right Baksheesh now all I want you to do is this: Just go back down to market place and tell that old lady to sell you the lamp on the order of the king, other wise I'll cut of your head!
Baksheesh: Yes your majesty!!! (Turns and falls over again.... runs out)
SCENE FOUR THE MARKET PLACE....
Baksheesh: Wakey wakey etc. Hey old lady the king want's the lamp... (I told you it's not for sale) But the king has ordered me.. (I'm sorry..) You don't understand hell have my head (It's not for sale!!!!)... Look I'll give you 200 pounds for it.. (sold!!!).... (Baksheesh takes lamp and turns to go....)
Old lady: Wait! There's something you must tell the king... in the lamp there's a wicked genie!
Baksheesh: Ok a wicked genie, right I'll tell him! Bye!
Old lady: Wait! Tell the king not to rub the lamp! Remember, don't rub the lamp!!!
Baksheesh: Ok don't worry, the king never was much of a lamp-rubber anyway! (EXIT)
SCENE FIVE THE PALACE.... KING PACING UP AND DOWN MUTTERING TO HIMSELF. ENTER BAKSHEESH IN A HURRY.......
Baksheesh: (singing) I got the lamp I saved my life!
King: Baksheesh well! You got the lamp, well done! What's the story Baksheesh, it looks like a very interesting old lamp!
Baksheesh: There was something... Oh yeah, in the lamp there is a wicked genie, the old lady told me....
King: A wicked genie! HO HO HO HO! I haven't heard anythimng so funny in a long time! There are no such things as genies, are there? (Oh yes there is... oh no there isn't... oh yes there isn't!) Ah pifflecook! It's just an old wives tale, anyway you know what these shopkeepers women are like Baksheesh. Hey you know you might have cleaned it up a bit you know Baksheesh.
(Start to polish the lamp.)
Baksheesh: There was something else I had to remember as well, now what was it! (to audience) Can you remember what it was? (Don't rub the lamp!) Don't what? Etc.... Oh don't rub the lamp!!!!! (Genie appears......)
Genie: Who let me out of my lamp? Was it you... etc etc.... Alright you king you! You better give me something to do otherwise I'm going to get very angry and when I get angry I get real violent!!!!
King: Oh think of something Baksheesh! Genie: All right king I'm Going to count to three and if you haven't thought of something I'm going to slit your throat.... OK everyone... Count along with me! One... Two...
King: Windows! Windows! I want you to clean every window in every building in London until they are all sparkling!
Genie: Is that all! Thats easy etc etc (Exit in a whirlwind)
King: Phew thats a relief, Baksheesh, those shopkeepers aren't so daft after all! Anyway we don't have to worry about him any more why there must be thousands and millions of windows in London, and there all so dirty you can plant cabbages in them!!! (enter Genie...)
Genie: I've done it!
King: Impossible!
Genie: Impossible eh? Well come and have a look! See every window etc...
Baksheesh: Hey you did a pretty good job too. (King: Baksheesh you blithering idiot!)
Genie: All right king you better give me something else to do... etc... 1... 2... 3
King: Leaves! Leaves! Leaves! Baksheesh: At once your majesty!
King: Not you, you fool! Every leaf on every tree.... paint them all the colours of the rainbow!
Genie: Oh that's an easy one for me but when I get back... etc (exit...)
Baksheesh: Good thinking king, that should take him a long time to do that!
King: I'm not so sure Baksheesh, he cleaned all the Windows so fast... oh Baksheesh this is all your fault! (My fault?) I told you not to buy that lamp. (But... but... it was your fault!) Trying to blame it on me now eh? I'll have your head for this Baksheesh... (Enter the Genie...)
Genie: I've done it... etc
King: No it's not possible!
Genie: Not possible eh? Well come and have a look king etc etc....
Baksheesh: Hey I like the way you blended the colours... You know
the way you got those blue and greens.... (King: Baksheesh you buffoon!!?)
Genie: All right king.... 1... 2...
Baksheesh: Tell him to hit the road!
King: Roads! Roads! Roads! Etc etc...... (Exit Genie.....) King: Well that's the last we'll see of him! Do you know why, Baksheesh? (No) There is no gold, I gave it all away in charity! Ho ho ho ho ho! (Hey you're pretty clever king) You know Baksheesh this Genie reminds me of the mind! (The mind?) Yes
Baksheesh, you wouldn't know much about that but... I was reading in the Bhagavad-gita this morning and Lord Krishna says... etc etc... (Baksheesh: But what's the best way to control the mind?) Well it's said that if you chant Hare Krishna then your mind will always be engaged, and you will be peaceful, and never have to worry about the Genie of the mind. (Baksheesh: Is that a fact?) Yes well that's what they say, I mean I've never tried it myself you know but it's supposed to work. (Baksheesh: Is that the end of the play then?) Yes that's it I suppose, we can all go home now... (Enter the Genie in a fierce mood...)
Genie: I've done it!!! (Impossible) Impossible eh!?! Well come and see....every road....paved with 29 carat gold. (But, there it's no gold...) I can produce gold from the tips of my fingers!!! Baksheesh: Hey that's a pretty neat trick can you show me how you do that? (King: Baksheesh!!!!)
Genie: All right king I have had enough of you. I'm not even going to count to three, I'm just going to kill you dead!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!! (Genie lets out blood curdling cries and chases King and Baksheesh around the stage... Finally the King trips and the Genie moves in for the kill...)
King: Oh dear! What am I going to do? Oh Hare Krishna!!! (Genie recoile...) Hare Krishna! Krishna Krishna! Hare Hare! Hare Rama! Hare Rama! Rama Rama! Hare Hare! (The King and Baksheesh chase the Genie around the stage and finally catch him)
King: All right Genie I've found a perfect engagement for you! (Whats that!!) You can chant Hare Krishna all day long... (Genie: Oh no!) Its not so bad really, come on just give it a try... etc... (King gets audience to help engage the Genie in chanting Hare Krishna.... Genie gets a taste... King shows him how to dance... then they have an ecstatic kirtan...............