Frequently Asked Questions About Celibacy
Dateline 4/14/00
(Based on actual conversations)
Q. Don't you miss
sex?
A. Yes.
Q. But, really, don't
you miss the closeness?
A. I've found plenty of other ways to be close to people. Actually, I've
found that my relationships with friends and family have improved. I have much
more meaningful closeness with a lot of people, instead of an intense feeling
of closeness with just one person.
Q. You do like sex,
don't you?
A. Yes.
Q. But don't you miss
it?
A. Yes.
Q. But... I mean...
you don't really like sex, do you?
A. Yes.
Q. You really like
sex?
A. Yes.
Q. But don't you miss
it?
A. Look at it this way: I've been on a weight maintenance diet for over ten
years now. Kept the weight off. People don't pester me with questions about
don't I miss ice cream and donuts. They ask, "How do you do it?"
Q. Okay, how do you
do it?
A. I think about what I can have, and not what I can't have. Like my diet
-- when I see a Boston Creme Pie, I remind myself, "A minute on the lips,
a lifetime on the hips," and then I buy some nice fresh fruit. When I
start getting sexual urges, I recognize them as no different from the urge to
gobble down some Boston Creme Pie. I remind myself, "A few minutes of
pleasure, a lifetime of regret." And then I go do something I really
enjoy.
Q. Like what?
A. Take my kids on a road trip. Go running with my dogs. Call my parents.
Read a good book. Take a nice hot bubble bath. Listen to Mozart. Gaze at the
stars. Watch a good movie. Surf the Net. Visit a friend. Cook a nice meal.
Pray. Dance. Sing. Brush the cat. Prowl the used book store. Memorize poetry.
Q. And that's as
satisfying as sex?
A. A life spent doing these things in the time I used to spend on sex is
much more satisfying, actually. Pardon the pun, but sex can really get you in a
rut. My life is much more interesting now than it was before I became celibate.
I've learned to fly an airplane, taken my kids to Waco to talk to the Branch
Davidians, learned basic wiring and plumbing, started three Web sites, learned
to play dulcimer, written three screenplays and coached my daughter through
writing a novel, identified over 30 different wildflowers growing in my front
yard, toured about half the United States with my kids, and so on.
Q. Well, you could do
all that and still have sex, right?
A. I suppose. If I were married. As a single adult, I've found that sexual
relationships just eat up too much time that could be better spent a thousand
other ways.
Q. What's the payoff?
A. Life is better. No more fear of pregnancy and STDs. No waiting by the
phone wondering if he'll call. No fussing and primping for dates (my kids and
my dogs and my friends and my parents don't really care if I'm wearing makeup
or have my hair done just so). No breakups and the heartbreak that comes with
them. Just an amazing amount of energy and time to devote to other things.
Q. Don't you get
lonely?
A. Sometimes. But not as often as I did when I was dating. I don't define
myself in terms of having a partner any more, so I'm more at home with myself.
I've found celibacy to be tremendously liberating.
Q. But... don't you
miss sex?
A. Look, you're not having sex right now, at this moment, while you're
reading this. And you're not breaking out in a cold sweat or getting short of
breath or showing any other signs of dying, are you? You go without sex
frequently yourself. You don't need sex to live. You already practice temporary
celibacy. Maybe for only a few hours, maybe for days or weeks at a time. But
you already know from experience that you can live without sex and find plenty
of satisfying things to do with your time.
Q. And you really get
used to not having sex?
A. Yes. The doors of perception open wide. If you can't imagine trying it
permanently, try it temporarily. Next time a relationship breaks up, don't go
looking for another one right away. There is a whole big beautiful world out
there, with six billion people in it. Surely you can think of something else to
do in that world and with those people besides the Horizontal Bop.
Q. And life is still
fun?
A. Yes. More fun, more of the time. And less worry. I'm hooked.
Elsewhere at Pro Life Views:
Exploring Celibacy
|
Subscribe to The Pro-Life Views Newsletter |
||
|
|
|
|