Celibacy forum

PREMISE

Since celibacy does not occur in a vacuum but in a whole human being,this

subject is not just cut and dry. That is why I have other topics here that I

think relate to the whole integrated outlook of celibacy. My experience with

friends, when discussing a subject, is to have everyone read similar, if not

identical, articles so that we have a common ground to spring from in relating

our opinions or experiences.

Sometimes we agree that what we read is "full of it". Sometimes we agree

totally, and often we do not agree, but in the process we all learn about

ourselves and others. That is why you will notice links and books of conflicting

opinions and stances below. It seems that sometimes you have to read something

that is not valid to help guide you to what you can know is true. Like sending

out feelers for the edge of the cliff. Also, what seems untrue at one point in

our life - because of past paradigms and experiences -we will suddenly think is

true later in life.

So I don't want everybody to just read my favorite list and think just like me

(too boring),but provide more of a forum so ideas and this page might grow. Be

sure to look at each link with wisdom. Some pages have good points, but they may

not be totally on the mark for you (and I). You(and I) can still learn from the

thoughts presented, and what they say about humanity ,in general, and maybe

yourself (and myself), in particular.

I like to include quotes from others because:

*These people say it better than I.

*I hope to pique your interest to read the whole book and get the whole idea.

*I want to get it right and not paraphrase them incorrectly

DEFINITIONS

What is celibacy? Is it different for different goals or people? Does it have

different uses? I do not believe that celibacy means a person has no sexuality.

Our sexuality is part of who we are. On the simplest level it is determined by

our genetics. We are XX or XY, or we have various levels of testosterone and

estrogen.

These facts do form a framework that we all live in, whether married or

celibate. Most of this is genetically determined. Then there are the experiences

we each have as male and female that add to who we are. Reflect on the role of

gender, orientation, degree of desire, object of excitation, developmental

experiences (things that happen to you), behaviors (things you do that you

control), and relationships on your sexual identity as it stands now. Is it

different now than when a child? Can you see this going on in others? We are all

sexual creatures, but not all choose to express this thru genital pleasure. Ask

yourself why you are celibate?

"Celibacy is not merely a spiritual phenomenon. Celibacy-that is,the

nonreproductive,sexually inactive stance in the service of some group even for

a period of time-can be a natural phenomenon." A.W.Richard Sipe

"Celibacy is a freely chosen dynamic state, usually vowed, that involves an

honest and sustained attempt to live without direct sexual gratification in

order to serve others productively for a spiritual motive."A.W.Richard Sipe

"Sexuality is more than genital activity,'it is who we are as body-selves who

experience the emotional,cognitive, physical, and spiritual need for intimate

communion - human and divine'. Celibacy does not require a destruction of

sexuality. It is as much about 'what it means that we as body-selves

participate in the reality of God, and as body-selves reflect upon that

reality' as other sexually active human lifestyles"Janette Gray

"Celibacy is often defined as not sexual, rather than as a different

experience of human sexuality. To be celibate requires a consciousness of

sexuality rather than a denial of it."Gray

"My understanding of my sexuality has been broadened and deepened through my

relationships. because I made a commitment to be celibate it means that I have

made choices about how I enter those relationships." a celibate sister.

It seems to me that celibacy is another responsible way of living with our

fellow man. Another way to show love to others on this world. Another way of

being generative. Another way to learn of God.

Whether married or celibate there will be failings, feelings of loneliness,

frustration, happiness, at-one-ness, and love. I think our media wrongly pushes

the message to couple when not all are meant to or even want to. I wonder if all

the consternation, about finding a mate, comes from too many people trying to

pair off for the wrong reasons. Would many people be better off realizing the

possibility of celibacy.

I will not look at other options of sex outside of marriage, since in my mind

that path is fraught with emotional,sexual,spiritual,health, and maturity risks.

Other pages go into that with enough detail. I am trying to touch on a unique

subject.

CELIBACY VERSES TO CONSIDER

Matt. 19:10-12

1 Cor. 7:1,2,7-9,25,26,32-40

1 Cor. 9:5

1 Tim. 4:1-3

Rev. 14:1,4 with vs. 2-5.

WHY BECOME CELIBATE ?

A person should consider why they want to be celibate. Is it a feeling in your

bones? Or are you reacting to a sexual trauma? Are you simply celibate because

no one has asked you to bed? Was it forced on you by a physical-medical reason?

Are you vowed to it because of beliefs?

I believe this will influence your other feelings and opinions about celibacy.

The feelings and opinions could be true for you, but they will be a filter that

will prevent you from hearing what you may "really" need to hear. So try to

break some paradigms.

SEXUALITY IN ALL OUR LIVES

More than one author has mentioned the broad meaning of us as sexual beings.

Barb DeAngelis, a psychologist, says sexual activity is anything ranging from

holding hands to intercourse. Desmond Morris,an anthropologist, list levels of

relating starting with a look to voice to touch to intercourse. I think this

backs up the idea that we are sexual beings with out having to express it with

intercourse only. There is a wide range of ways to express it and be celibate

and satisfy "skin hunger".

"Another effect of dualism is the focus on orgasmic sex,a genital fixation

over other expressions of sex....If the narrowing of sexuality's' focus to the

genitals is a mark of alienated sexuality, its diffusion through out the body

reflects its sanctification. (see masturbation ) Such awareness would

highlight the fundamental difference between women's experience of sexuality

and the male sexual dynamic of tension and release." J. Gray

"BY continually seeing celibacy in contrast to marriage, celibates themselves

have become overly focused on genital renunciation. Celibates have a different

experience of human sexuality rather than no experience...they could begin to

challenge Christian dualism about sex and begin to address the problem that

'our so-called Christian sexual ethics is really an ethics of marriage rather

than sexual ethics'" by J. Gray

I think that looking at the examples of celibates, married people and deviates

helps one begin to see the true and good role of sexual intercourse in forming

proper intimate relationships. We need to learn what God hopes for sex for

married people, and what he hopes for celibates. My bible had a heading for some

verses that struck a chord with me. It said "Forming Intimacies with God". I

think that is what we all need to learn to do with God and with each other.

So how does sex do this? After I sleep maybe more on that.

MASTURBATION

I still am keeping my eyes open on this matter. I don't believe that biblically

a person can forbid masturbation.

But like all things spiritual one needs to know the motivation and goal. Plus it

depends on your definition of celibacy. Many things I read say celibacy is NO

genital pleasure, but just as many mean no sexual intercourse.

Like most things there is balance. Are you choosing to be celibate forever or

just till you "find the right person"?Will masturbation affect relationships in

the future, such as how you view role of sex with wife. Will sex mainly become

source of tention release and not the communication and bonding that it shoul

be?Is it done when feeling lonely? Would it be better to address the real

problem. Otherwise does it become a crutch like food and drugs?It would be

better to learn real intimacy with friends.

Is pornagraphy and fantasy invloved?I would have to say this is not appropriate,

since it objectifies sex and usually the people invoved.If it is just relieving

tension? Is this appropiate or does it disipate a good source of energy? People

are always where I get the time and energy to do the things I do.

I think there might be something to be learned from Paul's NT writings. He says

if you can't control your self then better to marry. This may apply to excessive

masturbation.DO the prohibitions against adultery mean having sex with another

or just without wife?

Well I'm sure I can fine tune this but running out of time today.

Celibacy

What does

Abstinence for life

Abstinence for a period of time of years

Abstinence for shorter times

Abstinence including no masterbation

Abstinence with no looking for partner