Brahmacarya seminar

Notes on A lecture on some principles of the Vaisnava Grhastha asrama by Srila Bhaktividya Purna Swami Maharaja Principal, Sri Rupanuga Paramarthika Vidyapitha ISKCON Mayapur

So yesterday we heard that brahmacarya is of the following types: naisthika and upakurvaana. The upakurvaana, in order to come to the platform of spiritual realization and detachment from material nature, enters the Vaisnava grhastha asrama. Then he is a First Class Grhastha. He is also known as a grhastha brahmacari.

The naisthika brahmacari is focused on advancing in spiritual life and developing detachment from maya. He identifies himself as an eternal servant of Lord Krsna. He does not identify himself as a man. A man needs a woman. That is just it. But a servant of the Lord needs the Lord and so the naisthika stays in the association of the devotees and experiences the taste in spiritual relationships. He does not in vain try to enjoy material relationships.

But the upakurvaana has not quite realized it. But he knows from the sastras and he has understood it. So what does he do? How does he come out of the deep dark well of household life? For this, he chooses as First Class girl as his wife and with her assistance performs his religious duties as a husband and assists her also.

We can get some insight into how they can assist each other and come out of the well with spiritual realization by understanding how the brains of men and women work. When the American scientists wanted to understand why marriages there often break up, they did a study of how the male and female brains work and discovered that the one half of the human brain [the left] transmits thoughts of an analytic nature and the other half of the brain [the right] transmits thoughts of an emotional nature. So through one half, we analyze and through another half we experience emotions. They also discovered that the brain of a man is active either in the analytical side or the emotional side at a time whereas the brain of a woman is active in both sides at the same time. In other words, at a specific time a man is *either* analytical or emotional whereas a woman is *both* analytical and emotional.

Now the difference in the way their brains work creates both a strength and a weakness in a man and a woman, especially in the grhastha asrama.

The strength in a man is that he can be analytical without being emotional. Thus you find the naisthika brahmacari understanding by hearing the sastras and he analyzes his situation in the material world and takes shelter of Krsna and His devotees. The First Class Grhastha can also use his analytical brain which is quite developed after he has heard and understood the scriptures to progress in spiritual life. He can have an objective picture of his situation in the material world. He can see how he is caught up with material attachment out of his conditioning and he can constantly strive for spiritual advancement. That is his strength.

But the weakness of the man is that when he gets emotional, he does not analyze. This the problem. When his wife or children overwhelm him with material relationships, he cannot analyze. He is unable to discriminate between matter and spirit. His brain only works on one side at a time and he is emotional. Therefore we find sometimes that when a Second Class Brahmacari wants to get married, he gives up his analytical thinking and completely swings to the opposite direction, to the emotional side. And he gets all mental and he is typically said to be in "fever". This is also known as kaama-jvara.

Now the woman's brain always works with both faculties simultaneously. This is a strength in them and a weakness as well. The strength is that even though they are always in an emotional mode, they can also see the objective picture of the material situation. This is something that the men's brain cannot do. The man is either overwhelmed by the emotions but the woman can also analyze at the same time.

But the weakness of the women is that when they have to make an objective analysis of a given situation and decide on the course of their life based on that objective analysis, they cannot be not emotional about it. They think, "Actually this is what has to be done but... how can I leave this person or do that to that person". They get mental about it because they can analyze a given situation but they cannot avoid getting emotional about it. And this is not really conducive to spiritual life because we have to learn to become detached from material aspect of one's relationships with others such as the husband, children and the rest and this is tough. So the women's brain cannot be "cold" or analytical about situations in the material world. They need human warmth because this is the way their brains work: they can analyze but they cannot be unemotional too. So this is a weakness.

A First Class Grhastha and his First Class wife and tries to compensate for their weaknesses in the following way. When the husband gets emotional (i.e. when he cannot analyze) his wife can bring him back to his analytical nature because she can analyze even when she gets emotional. So in this way, the First Class wife assists the husband.

The husband also assists the wife in that when she gets emotionally worked up, he can use the analytic side of his brain to properly analyze and get his wife off the emotional platform.

Now to make this work, both the husband and wife have to come to the First Class Grhastha platform. They keep Krsna consciousness primary and their own relationships and other material aspects of their life as secondary. They both are fixed in hearing and understanding the scriptures and they associate with devotees and serve in their association.

The wife has to be a dharma-patni (which Srila Prabhupada translates as "a religious wife"), trained to follow religious principles. Women as a class are generally God-fearing and inclined to follow religious duties. You can see this in any religion. Therefore if a woman is trained to become First Class and religious and dutiful, then she can assist the husband and bring him to the analytical platform rather than also become emotional about material situations.

The husband, because he was trained as an upakurvaana, continues his study of the sastras and gives more emphasis to spiritual life than maintenance. Since he has studied and understood the sastras, he knows that he must faithfully carry out his duties in the grhastha asrama no matter how difficult they are. And he does these duties seriously since he had already a solid training when he was an upakurvaana. But he knows that the real substantial pleasure is in pleasing the Lord and not in lording it over the material nature. And in his relation to his wife, he is called the guru-pati.

Thus the guru-pati and the dharma-patni both cross over attachment to the material world and attach themselves to the lotus feet of Krsna by strictly and seriously practicing KC and by keeping KC in the forefront.

The training one gives to one's boy or girl is something very very important. A First Class Grhastha trains his boy in humility, selflessness and respect to superiors so that by the time the boy is sent to the Gurukula, the boy has already imbibed within himself the fundamental culture of submissiveness and respect. Thus the student then learns the Veda from the Gurukula and gets trained up as a brahmacari.

Now the women should be very supportive of the brahmacari ashram because without a solid brahmacari ashram you are not going to get solid self-controlled grhasthas. And if the husband and wife are not self-controlled, then the progeny is not going to be the best. And a naisthika brahmacari with his advanced realization is an inspiration to the First Class Grhasthas. Thus the brahmacari ashram is respected by the women in Vedic culture.

The women are also very protected and trained in the very beginning especially before they reach puberty. They are taught how to be humble, respectful, self controlled and to follow religious and spiritual principles of the sastras. Thus they become First Class wives to assist their husbands so that they also realize the nature of Krsna and maya.

When a grhastha does not have solid and happy brahmacari training, then when he is dissatisfied in the household, he does not take vanaprastha; he enters into the path of sense enjoymment by remarrying a young girl. His reasoning is that when his wife was young, he was "happy"; but now that he is old and he is not satisfied, it must be that if he gets a young wife, he would be happy. He doesn't understand that this world is duhkhaalayam asaasvatam.

Tomorrow we shall discuss what qualities are essential for the peaceful working of the grhastha ashram and answer some questions.

Question: What about lifelong celibate women? Is that not possible? Why is a women strongly recommended to be married? Answer: It is possible though it is much more difficult. The conditions would be the same as for a naisthika brahmacari which basically means to be off the bodily platform and be humble, with a strong sense of service attitude and so on. SP had a lady disciple in Calcutta who wanted to remain celibate. SP told her that it would be much more difficult to be celibate than to be married. She told him, "I know. Still I want to." So SP permitted her. Even now she comes to our Radha Govinda temple and does arati to the Deities. She is still celibate. So it is possible.

In Vedic literature, we hear of Gargi who was a life long brahmacaarini. She was a traveling mendicant. In Govinda Bhasya, Srila Baladeva says that she is a first class devotee (ekanta bhakta), an uttama adhikari.

But she also had the sense of culture that is expected of a woman in a Vedic society. This is very important. Once in the court of King Janaka, there was a discussion as to who was the most learned scholar and many sages were invited. Gaargi was also there. Also there was Visvamitra. So many questions were asked about karma kanda and other such upavedic topics and Visvamitra answered all of them and it appeared that Visvamitra was the winner of the competition. Then Gaargi stood up and said, "Dear Sripada Visvamitra, Please accept my respects. I have a few questions to ask you in this royal assembly. Can I ask you?" Then Visvamitra said, "Go ahead." And Gaargi started asking questions on Transcendence. Now Visvamitra knew about karma kanda and upaveda so much but he did not know about Vedanta or topics of Transcendence. So he couldn't answer these questions of Gaargi. And as is quite natural for Visvamitra, he was getting angry because he was like kind-of humiliated by Gaargi. Gaargi understood his mind and then declared in the assembly, "Sripada Visvamitra is the greatest scholar in the assembly." Gaargi could have easily defeated him but since she was a woman, she preferred to leave the limelight on Visvamitra simply to preserve the (Vedic) social etiquette.

Even Mother Jahnavaa, the consort of Lord Nityananda Prabhu, exhibited that sense of culture. After the disappearance of Lord Nityananda and Vasudhaa, She was taking care of the children and then, naturally, She was considered by the Vaisnavas of Bengal to be their leader. But while giving classes, She would always sit behind a curtain so that only Her lotus feet were visible. So She was also following the Vedic social etiquette that were expected of women even though She is the eternal consort of Lord Nityananda Himself.

Just like a naisthika brahmacaari cannot aspire for position and prestige, a lifelong brahmacaarini also cannot aspire for these things. Usually we don't even know where they are since they keep a low profile.

This is difficult for women since they cannot be analytical without being emotional and for a lifelong brahmacaarini, it is essential to derive tangible spiritual happiness in KC and disinterest in the material nature and stay on that analytical platform. This is more difficult than for a man to be a naisthika brahmacaari since he can be analytical without being emotional. So this is the situation. Therefore women are generally recommended to be married.