ILLUSTRATIVE STORIES

SRILA BHAKTISIDDHANTA SARASVATI

Table of Contents:

Story 1: A Lesson in Geometry

Story 2: The Exploded Frog

Story 3: Golden Stone-pot

Story 4: Yes, No, Very Good

Story 5: Honey and the Foolish Bumblebee

Story 6: Seeing the Sun at Night

Story 7: Family for the Gita

Story 8: "There Runs a Thief"

Story 9: "All Glories to Balam Rice and Cow Ghee!"

Story 10: Lalu and Kalu

Story 11: Rowing Along the Wind

Story 12: Kite Play from an Unwalled Roof

Story 13: Physician's Knife

Story 14: "Kastvam, Khastvam"

Story 15: A Frog's Half-rupee Coin

Story 16: Prudence of a Woodcutter

Story 17: The Boatman's Dreaming

Story 18: Any Pleasure and Sacrifice in Devotion?

Story 19: Naked Penco

Story 20: The Wise Old Monkey

Story 21: Cracking Nuts with a Saligram

Story 22: Dr. Frog's Thesis

Story 23: Fisticuffs to the Sky

Story 24: Half-young and Half-old Fallacy

Story 25: Mercy for the Earnest Only

Story 26: Popcorn Bondage

Story 27: Fallacy of Custom

Story 28: Blind Following Fallacy

Story 29: The Blind Man and the Elephant

Story 30: Blind Man Led by a Cow's Tail

Story 31: The Right Whip for the Right Dog

Story 32: The Ancestral Draw-well

Story 33: "B-B", "M-A"

Story 34: "Who's in the Deity Room?" --I Didn't Steal Banana!"

Story 35: How Bhagavan Became a Ghost

Story 36: "I'll Cross When the River is Dry"

Story 37: Safety in Swimming

Story 38: Garbage In, Garbage Out

Story 39: Blacksmith and Potter

Story 40: The Idiot Gardener and the Silly Pandit Story 41: "Open the Door to get Light on Your Floor!"

Story 42: How Often does a Shaved Head Visit a Wood-apple Tree?

Story 43: Broken-cot Renunciation

Story 44: The Flying Popcorn Offering

Story 45: Spitting Upward

Story 46: Cutting One's Own Nose to Spoil Another's Journey

Story 47: Hellish Pandemonium

Story 48: Doing Sums for Teacher

Story 49: Golden, Silver and Iron Shackles

Story 50: The Pauper and the Omniscient Sage

Story 1: A Lesson in Geometry

A poor widow was trying to educate her young son despite their meager existence, for he was her only future. By borrowing money she had managed to send him through grammar school. Now she hired a tutor to teach her boy higher studies.

The teacher began with a lesson in geometry. From the next room the mother heard him say to her son, "Let ABC be a tri-angle.."

Very upset, the woman burst in and stopped the man. She then upbraided him, crying, "You are wasting my time and money! I demand that you leave my house and never return." The tutor, shocked, asked why.

"You advertise yourself as a teacher of higher studies, but you are only giving lessons on ABC. My boy learned his ABCs long ago. Now go! You are fit only for teaching primary school." Seeing that the woman was adamant, the man quietly left.

Similarly, materialists attempt to denigrate the teachings of bhakti by arguing that the root of human ills is servitude. They aspire to become masters of this world, and cannot under- stand why they must revert to servitude even after liberation. Servitude is the condition of ignorance and illusion, they believe. Bhakti is the cultivation of a slave mentality that is unworthy of human aspirations. Liberation means the end of service and the realization that I am Brahman.

But devotees know that devotion or service is the eternal function of all living beings. But realization of eternality through service must be cultivated in stages known as sadhana bhakti, bhava bhakti and prema bhakti. This advancement of devotional consciousness may be compared with advancement in the use of the alphabet. Just as it is that from grade school to post-graduate studies the alphabet remains the basic medium of all learning, so from sadhana to prema bhakti yoga, service remains the medium of progress in God consciousness.

The proposal of the impersonalist, that at the higher stage service is dispensed with, is comparable to a student's rejecting the alphabet upon his graduation from the upper class. For a man to go through years of education only to renounce reading and writing the alpabet at the end would be ludicrous. In the same way, impersonalists who reject devotion at the last stage make a mockery of the whole path of spiritual advancement given in the Vedic scriptures.

Story 2: The Exploded Frog

The little son of a fat mother frog came hopping home to the pond in great excitement.

"Mother, today I saw something wonderful!" he announced excitedly.

Mother, who had been dozing in the sun on a big lily leaf, opened her eyes and with only faint interest asked, "What was that, son?"

"Oh, it was such a huge animal--so big it is difficult to describe!"

Mother chuckled indulgently. "And how big would you say it was, little fellow?"

The child-frog's eyes widened with innocent wonder. "Til today, Mother, you were the biggest creature I'd ever seen. But this animal was much, much bigger than you!"

Mother became a little indignant at this comparison. She puffed up her throat and asked, "Was the creature you saw as big as I am now?"

"Mother, much bigger!"

She puffed herself up even more. "What it so big?"

"Mother, much much bigger!"

"This big?"

And so the mother frog kept inflating her body more and more, while the baby continued to cry, "Bigger, Mother, bigger!" Finally the poor mother frog burst with a bang.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Gosvami used to say in connection to this story, "It is better to be a good one than a big one." Thinking oneself to be big--even in spiritual pur- suits--is the cause of falldown. "I am Brahman", "I am siddha", "I am self-realized", "I am a pundit", even "I am a Vaisnava" are all egotistical assertations. Rather, the serious aspirant for spiritual advancement should realize himself as an insignificant particle of dust under the lotus feet of his spiritual master and the Vaisnavas.

Story 3: Golden Stone-pot

A wealthy landlord called upon a goldsmith in his village and, handing him a lump of pure gold, said, "I want you to make a nice pot with this amount of gold. But don't you dare corrupt this gold by mixing in another metal just to steal the excess!" Bowing and srcaping, the goldsmith readily agreed and took the gold into his workshop.

He was sorely tempted by the great wealth that would fall into his hands if he just found a way to cheat the landlord. Sitting at his workbench, he thought to himself, "That man will immediately recognize gold alloy. He'll have me arrested, flogged and probably killed if I attempt to trick him in that way. But there must be another way to do it." Suddenly a plan that he was sure was foolproof popped into his head.

A few days later the goldsmith delivered a gold-plated stone pot to the landlord. The rich man's eyebrows rose high in astonishment when he saw it. "Now what is that?" he demanded.

The goldsmith replied, "My lord, this is the golden pot you ordered."

The landlord stared at the goldsmith in amazement that was turning to anger. "Are you joking with me? Anyone can see that this is a stone-pot with a gold plating on it!"

The goldsmith shook his head and grinned. "Oh no, my lord.

I have made you a gold pot fashioned after a stone-pot. It is a golden stone-pot!"

The moral is that just as it is a mockery to claim that one has made a golden stone-pot, or a mango-cake of jackfruit, it is a mockery to speak of brahmana Vaisnava, sudra Vaisnava, candala Vaisnava, yavana Vaisnava or Hindu Vaisnava. Either one is a Vaisnava or he has some other designation according to Varnasrama considerations. But when one is accepted as a Vaisnava, then mundane classifications simply do not apply.

Story 4: Yes, No, Very Good

A villager picked up a little English by overhearing others speak in that language. He memorized the words he heard most often: "Yes", "No" and "Very good." Though he did not understand the meaning of these words, he liked to use them in his speech because it made him appear erudite. People gave him respect as soon as they heard him uttering English words.

A murder was committed in the village. During the police investigation, the villagers were questioned one by one. When our dabbler in English was brought before the chief of criminal investigation, he thought he would impress him by demonstrating the few English words he knew. The detective was an imposing man and saw little need to waste time on niceties with country yokels, so he asked (in Bengali), "Did you commit this murder?"

"Yes", replied the villager proudly.

"Did you have help in this crime from anyone else?" the detective asked again.

"No", came the prompt reply.

"You are under arrest. Handcuff him and take him to jail."

As the police closed in around him, the villager excitedly protested: "Very good! Very good!"

This story illustrates the foolishness of persons who pretend, without qualification, to be authorities in bhakti and who parrot stock phrases from the scriptures about which they have no factual realization. Despite their self-satisfied babbling of pious platitudes, they suffer imprisonment in the merciless clutches of illusion.

Story 5: Honey and the Foolish Bumblebee

Once a silly bumblebee flew up to a clear glass jar of honey. "Wonderful!" he exclaimed to himself. "All that honey-- now I shall enjoy it." Again and again the bee licked the glass, but tasted not a drop of honey. But so much was he in the illusion of being the enjoyer that he finally alighted upon the top of the jar and proclaimed to the other bees buzzing around, "This honey is incomparably delicious!"

Similarly, materialistic persons sometimes try to become the enjoyers of Krsna-bhakti. They chant and dance with great vigor and recite the poems of Candidas and Vidyapati with showy emotions. But the true taste of pure devotion remains unknown to them. They remain captivated by lust for physical gratification.

Another explanation of this example is that it shows the foolishness of the enemies of Vaisnavism. Ravana, the enemy of Rama, tried to capture Sita, but all he got was an illusiory shadow of Sita. There was a brahmana named Kalapahadh who converted to Islam; he was a famous breaker of temples and destroyer of Deities. Just as the bee thought that by tasting the glass he had tasted the honey, so this person thought that by breaking the Deity he had broken the God of the Hindus. But this can be compared to the tearing up of a map of India--only a fool thinks, "Now India is finished!"

Story 6: Seeing the Sun at Night

A wealthy landlord was known for his fanciful whims; thus he was surrounded by sycophants who stood ready (in hopes of reward) to help him fulfill even the most silly and unrealistic wish.

One evening the landlord gazed at the new moon sky and wondered aloud, "Is there a way to see the sun on a dark night like tonight?"

One of his "loyal" flatterers spoke up instantly. "When you our lord desires, it must be fulfilled. Certainly the world will will resound all the more with your glories when this visionary undertaking is accomplished. I shall return in a moment with the means by which your desire may be fulfilled." He scampered off and returned a few minutes later with a huge oil lantern. Lighting it with a flourish, he held it up high.

"Please have a look into the sky now, my lord. Can you now see the sun with the aid of this bright flame?"

Two crafty fellows among the landlord's good-for-nothing associates saw their chance. "Ah, put down that lamp, you fool," they cried. "You mock our lord's intelligence. That lantern is too weak to reveal the sun on such a night as this. But we have access to a powerful searchlight mounted on a truck. Give us time, oh lord, and we shall return with it and satisfy your sublime desire." Getting the landowner's nod, they rushed off.

Some time later they returned in a flatbed truck that had a big searchlight and generator mounted on the back. Revving up the generator motor, they flashed a powerful beam of light into the dark firmament above and played it about. "Just tell us, master, when you catch a glimpse of the sun and we shall focus this light upon it", they called to the landlord.

Then a new voice spoke, one of a real well-wisher of the landlord. "All the artificial light in the whole world will not help you see the sun, my friend. It is by the power of the sunshine alone than the sun becomes visible. Don't waste your time in these useless attempts."

And the same is true of the attempt to understand the Supreme Lord. If that attempt is by some artificial power, it will come to no use at all. God reveals Himself to us by His own power which manifests through Guru and Vaisnava.

Story 7: Family for the Gita

Once a renounced spiritual master presented his neophyte disciple with a copy of the Bhagavad-gita, instructing him to study the book all the time. The disciple, eager to imitate the advanced status of his guru, entered a cave in the Vindhya hill and there read the gita day and night.

Now, while the disciple took rest, a mouse who lived in the cave nibbled at the pages of the holy book, leaving the edges ragged. The disciple was very upset about this. He went down the hillside to a village and found a kitten, which he brought back to the cave to deal with the mouse.

But the kitten required milk. So the disciple managed to find a pious farmer who willingly parted with one cow. Next the would-be renunciate constructed a cow-shed with materials that he begged from here and there and laboriously dragged up the hillside.

Even after building the shed, the disciple found it too difficult to maintain the cow alone. At last he found a young villager who was willing--simply for three meals a day--to tend the cow.

But now the aspiring anchorite was faced with the duty of cooking thrice daily for the cowherd as well as preparing his own meals. This meant he had to visit the village at least once a day to beg sufficient foodstuffs and firewood and then bring it all up to the cave. The villagers were less supportive now that his possessions had increased. One of them even mocked the dis- ciple, saying, "You've become a busy householder. Why do you persist in this charade of renunciation? Get married and work like the rest of us!"

Finding it impossible to meet his requirements otherwise, the disciple did just that. As his family grew, so did his needs until at last he lived in a comfortable villa on a large tract of land as the owner of many animals and the employer of many servants.

After the guru became aware that his disciple had abandoned the cave, he traced him to his new home and was astonished to find him amidst all the trappings of worldly existence. "Now what does all this mean?" he demanded of his disciple.

"Oh Divine Master," came the reply, "this, my family and property, is for the gita study you ordered."

The scriptures enjoin: yaavannirvaaha pratigraha--"accept only that which is essential for serving the Lord." This means that a devotee centers his life's needs around Krsna and not around himself. He is concerned neither with excessive gain or excessive renunciation. Indeed, if an aspirant on the spiritual path becomes selfishly inclined even in the matter of renuncia- tion--i.e. his vanity is displayed in his show of detachment from the world--that selfishness is very liable to mislead him into accumulating excessive material possessions in the name of maintaining his spiritual life. Another way that material attachment creeps into the life of a renunciate is through attraction to material knowledge. If pride is fostored through mastery of the scriptures and through philosophical erudition, that knowledge is only material and will result in the falldown of the student into material entanglement.

Story 8: "There Runs the Thief!"

A village was plagued by thievery. Things would disappear from houses in the night, and though careful guard was kept and the alarm was raised whenever something went missing, the thief always managed to escape detection.

At last the village headman called in all those who'd been burgled and interviewed each in confidence. He discovered that in each case, as soon as the alarm was raised, a certain fellow was always nearby who joined very eagerly in the hunt for the thief. Suspicious of this coincidence, the headman advised the night watchman to keep this person under special surveillance.

One night the watchman spied the suspect sneaking out of his house at about 2:00 AM with a tool in his hand. Following him surreptitiously, the watchman saw this man use the tool to pry open the bamboo wall of a neighbor's house and then enter it. After some moments there was shouting from in the house: "Thief! Thief!" The suspect hurried out through the broken wall carrying booty and entered the jungle. Meanwhile a crowd of outraged villagers gathered in front of the house to listen to the burgled householder's tale of woe. The watchman observed how the suspect stealthily came out of the jungle and entered the crowd to join in the general hue and cry for the capture and punishment of the thief.

The crowd began milling about in an effort to find the culprit. Just then the watchman stepped forward and seized the man he'd been spying upon. "This is the thief!" he announced loudly.

Many in the crowd protested the arrest. "You fool!" they shouted at the watchman, "He's no thief! He's been with us the whole time!"

But the village headman appeared on the scene and quieted them. Receiving the watchman's report, the headman led the crowd to the jungle via the trail shown by the observant watchman. The suspect became visibly nervous as they entered the woods. "Why do you bring us all into this dangerous jungle at night?" he demanded of the headman. "No burglar is hiding here. This is highly irresponsible. What if some citizen is bitten by a snake?"

Many of the villagers now saw the suspect's nervous chatter as an indication of his guilt. But some still were swayed by his words and began to grumble: "Yes, while we thrash about out here the real thief is probably plundering our houses at this very moment."

But soon the watchman found the ornament box he'd seen the suspect carry from the burgled house. He held it up in triumph for all to see. Just as everyone's attention was fixed on the stolen property, the suspect broke free and ran back into the village on his way to the main road out of town. The furious crown surged after him. "Stop him! There runs the thief!" they cried out to the late arrivals at the scene of the crime and pointed to the suspect as he ran. But the cunning suspect also pointed to some innocent passersby ahead of himself and shouted, "Yes! Catch the thief! There he goes!" Confusing the entire village in this way, the burglar managed to escape in the night.

Tulsidas, the famous Hindi poet, has sung:

corko chode sadhko bandhe

pathikko lagaoe phansi--

dhanya kalijug teri tamasa

duhkh lage aor hasi

"The real thief is set free, and the sadhu is handcuffed, while the passerby is hanged--all glories to Kali Yuga! Such is your great joke that it generates both pity and laughter at the same time."

In this age of confusion, rascals disguise themselves as saints and plunder the foolish populace, while at the same time accusing the real sadhus of being cheaters. These rascals use the wealth turned over to them by fools for their personal sense gratification, but they cleverly convince others that their sense gratification is divine and for everyone's benefit. They ridicule the devotees use of money in the service of Krsna (especially for the building of temples and the worship of the Deity) as being a criminal waste. Such rascal leaders of religions and welfare organizations are like the thief who escapes in the night by accusing the innocent.

Story 9: "All Glories to Balam Rice and Cow Ghee"

One landlord was having difficulty keeping house-servants.

After a few days of work, they would leave his employ. He was ever having to search out new help; his household was thus never properly managed.

He mentioned this problem to a friend of his. "Why is it so difficult for me to keep even one steady servant at home?"

His friend replied, "Take my advice and your next servant will cling to his job even if you want to get rid of him. See, you've got to feed these people well. Feed him fine Balam rice with cow's ghee twice a day. After six months of this diet that servant will be unable to leave your employment, even if you overwork him."

The landlord followed his friend's advice. After six months of feeding his servant Balam rice and cow's ghee, he increased his work load. The servant became unhappy and com- plained, but the landlord kept up his demands. Finally the servant left. But within a day he had returned. He'd gone around looking for other employment, but found no one who served Balam rice and cow's ghee to the household help. Having grown too attached to this diet, the servant, though he tried to abandon the landlord several times, was always forced to relent and return to his duty.

When the landlord again met his friend after having tested his advice, he rejoiced "All glories to Balam rice and cow ghee!"

This story illustrates a preaching strategy used by spirit- ual masters of the Krsna consciousness movement. Hardly anyone wants to render selfless service to the Supreme Lord. Everyone is attracted to material gain, position, reputation, religion, wealth, fruitive work or liberation. These goals constitute the basis of almost everyone's work in this world. Therefore genuine spiritual masters manage the Krsna consciousness movement in such a way that neophyte devotees get "Balam rice and cows ghee" daily. Thus the aspiring Vaisnavas become satisfied and more willing to engage themselves in Krsna's service. Balam rice and cows ghee actually symbolize the position, honor and reputation that a spiritual master bestows upon neophyte devotees who render service pleasing to Sri Sri Guru and Gauranga.

Story 10: Lalu and Kalu

A grocer had two sons named Lalu and Kalu. He wanted them to be trained in the use of weights and measurements so that they'd be of help to him in his business. And so he hired a tutor to educate them. But these boys were incorrigibly naughty, and the tutor quit in disgust. So the grocer hired another--with the same result. And another, who fared no better that his predecessors.

Finally the grocer announced that the tutor who could just accomplish two things with his boys--that they learn to count to one hundred and they quit the bad habit of smoking that they'd developed at an early age--would be given one half of his business assets.

An elderly and experienced brahmin volunteered to the challenge. The father arranged that the boys would remain always in the teacher's sight. The brahmin then took the boys for a walk. He pointed out a cow to them and asked Lalu, "Can you tell me how many legs that cow has?"

Lalu replied, "Surely" and began to count: "One, two, three.."

Just then Kalu put his hand over Lalu's mouth. "Brother!"

Kalu cried. "Now stop! That crafty brahmin is just trying to teach you how to count! So Lalu became silent.

After more such futile efforts at teaching them numbers, the old brahmin finally decided it was time for recess. So he led them to a room where they all might rest. The two boys im- mediately laid themselves down and feigned sleep, snoring loudly. The brahmin thought, "Now that these two young rascals are asleep, I may also safely sleep." He happily took a nap, being tired from minding the grocer's sons all day.

When Lalu and Kalu were sure their teacher was asleep, they rose and started smoking. After a while they saw the brahmin stirring, so they again pretended to sleep. When the brahmin sat up he immediately smelled cigarette smoke in the room. He shook the boys; they pretended to be groggy and yawned.

"You bad boys!" he chastised them. "You've been smoking in here. The rooms stinks of cigarettes."

"What? Oh, no sir, we know nothing about this."

The teacher took their hands and smelled them. "See here, boys, your fingers reek of tobacco smoke. What's your explana- tion?"

In unison Lalu and Kalu exclaimed, "Oh, sir, we were sound asleep and don't know how this smell came to our hands. Probably some stranger entered this room as we all napped and smoked using our fingers to hold the cigarettes!"

Similarly, those who are determined not to accept training in spiritual life go to the most illogical extremes in defending a life of sense gratification. Even if they get the association of a saintly teacher, they expertly avoid being changed by him. And when he points out their faults, they say that they've done nothing wrong, it was someone else.

Story 11: Rowing Along the Wind

A rich landlord had a flattering servant, a "yes man" who was always most deferential to his master only because he desired reward.

The master asked the servant one day, "What is your opinion of potatos?"

The servant was hesitant in his reply. "Oh, my dear sir, I suppose I've never thought about potatos much, really. But it would be most edifying for me to hear your opinion of potatos."

The landlord said, "Well, as far as I have experienced, the potato is the most delicious of all the vegetables one can get at the market."

But even before the words had left the landlord's mouth, his yes man was already praising potatos to the sky: "Oh yes, yes my lord, it's true, potatos are the best, the absolute best vege- table in the marketplace. Really delicious! Excellently delicious, pleasantly delicious, highly tasteful and dainty. It is said:' "this round potato--boil it in rice, boil it in water, fry it in ghee, mix it in curry, put it in soup or salad, or make a pickle from it, or serve it with sauce, or make it into kofta-- whatever recipe you may choose, this round potato is om- nipresent.' Is there any other vegetable comparable to it? None whatsoever. The potato is second to none--unparalleled!"

The landlord then observed, "What you say is all very well, but as much as we might like them, potatos do tax our health if we eat them too often. It's a rather passionate kind of vege- table."

"Oh yes, yes, yes, how true, how true", the servant spoke up immediately. "It is really a passionately passionate vegetable. Causes the body to heat up, it does, excessively passionate. Very difficult to cool it down. Oh, and what health problems it will cause if we're not careful. Flatulence, cholera, diarrhoea, diabetes, phthisis--all these spring from that round potato!"

The landlord put another question to the servant. "Tell me, what do you think about eggplant?"

The servant folded his hands humbly and replied, "My lord, I was just thinking of asking you the same question. Let me hear your opinion first, please. How is the eggplant?"

"Well, I have nothing bad to say at all about it. The eggplant is a nice vegetable, as far as I know."

"Oh, that's true, true, true! So true! Even if you just look at it, you see immediately that the eggplant is the most beautiful of vegetables. And it makes a complete meal! If we get two pieces of fried eggplant on our plate, what else do we need? It tastes better than butter. If a man had nothing at all in his pantry except one eggplant, he'd still be considered by others as well off! You can roast it, fry it, cook it in curry, make a chutney out of it--whatever way you like, eggplant proves itself extraordinary among vegetables. And among the different kinds of eggplants, the laaphaa eggplant stands out as supreme. It is an excellent creation of the Supreme Lord."

The landlord then added, "All that may be true enough, but eggplants are not very nutritious."

"Phew!" exclaimed the yes man. "And that's why it is called vegun, because ve (no) gun (quality), it has no qualification at all as nourishment. Simply like cow dung, like cow dung--even cow dung has some potential value, but vegun, that eggplant has no value whatsoever. It is troublesome, most troublesome! It makes the mouth itch worse than wild turnip or esculant root! Not only that, eggplant brings bad luck! That's why it should be roasted before serving."

The landlord retorted, "I see you are a very strange fellow.

When I say, 'potato is good', you elaborate, 'potato is very good.' And when I say, 'potato is bad', you plead that it is very, very bad. When I say, 'eggplant is good', you glorify it to the heavens. But if I then say, 'eggplant is bad', you reject it from the category of foodstuffs. Don't you posses any personal integrity?"

Bowing and scraping, the servant replied with this torrent of deference: "Oh my lord! Please have mercy and condone my offenses. Now I'll speak the truth. Lord, I am not the servant of a potato. I am not the servant of an eggplant. I am your servant! So whatever you say, I must say likewise. A potato will not provide me with an earning, and an eggplant will not give me work that I may have a purpose to my life. I am only your servant, so your your voice should be my voice."

This story illustrates the attitude of a class of pseudo- religionists called the syncretists. Syncretists are imper- sonalists who adhere to no particular devotional practice or philosophy. They are ready to pay lip service to the tenets of any and all religions should it suit their purposes of garnering acclaim in society. They can hop, skip and jump from mouthing the teachings of Caitanya Mahaprabhu to Sankaracarya, Kapila, Mahavir, Kumarila Bhatta, etc. And they will finally conclude that "all taught the same truth." It makes no difference to the syncretist that one doctrine is atheistic and another is theistic. It makes no different that Krsna has declared that all dharmas are to be rejected by His devotee. The syncretist, like the landlord's yes man, performs the most amazing verbal acro- batics in order to show himself a pious follower of all the world's scriptures and teachers. But his real purpose, like the yes man, is to simply insure his material prosperity through flattery.

Story 12: Kite-play from an Unwalled Roof

A foolish boy was flying a kite to his heart's content upon an unwalled rooftop. So engrossed was he in the fun that he was totally oblivious to his surroundings. A man passing by on the street below looked up to see the boy standing right on the edge of the roof, one foot dangling out into space as he reeled in and let out the string of his kite-spool.

The man, who was good-hearted and had a strong sense of social responsibility, rushed up the stairway to the roof of the building, dragged the boy away from the precipice and snatched the kite-spool from his hands.

The boy, who had been so close to serious injury or death, was outraged. "You trespasser!" he shouted. "What right do you have to barge up here and spoil all my fun! Hey, give me my kite back! I'll tell my parents! They'll call the police on you!"

The kind-hearted man simply endured the boy's tantrum with a smile and led him down from the rooftop.

Similarly, a truly benevolent friend of the human race points out the dangerous game society is playing by its thought- less indulgence in animalistic sense gratification, which spoils the whole human purpose. But the thanks he gets from a vast section of the populace may be compared to the reaction of the boy whose dangerous rooftop kite-play was abruptly halted.

Story 13: Physician's Knife

Amar was a boy of the village. He'd been suffering inten- sly from a boil on his back. Around him, friends and relatives tried to alleviate his pain in different ways. His mother waved a hand-fan upon the swollen boil, and sometime she blowed upon it orally. A neighbor suggested that Amar be given an anaesthetic to relieve his pain. Still another person said Amar should be killed, because while living he suffered so much, but when dead he'd not feel the pain of the boil. But the father, not ap- preciating these half and half-witted measures, called a doctor.

After examining the boy, the doctor prescribed an operation.

Mother began weeping. Others protested: "This could be very dangerous!" And Amar, who had grown delerious from the pain, shouted "You rascal, you've come here to kill me! Stick that knife in your own body, murderer! Go home and kill your own son!" But with the help of the father, the doctor performed the surgery. After a short time, the swelling and pain decreased; within a few days, Amar was completely cured.

This story has a similar purport as does the one about kite-flying. The spiritual master must cut the bonds of attachment in the heart of his disciple, and this is not appreciated by worldly society. It may even be unappreciated by the disciple himself. Relatives are heart-broken, though their measures to alleviate material distress may be compared to blowing on a boil. Some persons say material distress should be ignored altogether by anaesthisizing ourselves through fanciful philosophy, entertain- ment, intoxication, etc. And impersonalists say the problem is personality itself. But the saintly Vaisnavas never heed this misguidance. Instead they administer the real cure and effect the real good for the living entity.

Story 14: "Kastvam, Khastvam"

A village was predominated by a proud pandit named Dada Thakura who, in spite of his brahminical heritage, was an unlet-tered fool. But it had been the custom for many generations for the villagers to respect the male members of Dada Thakura's family as great learned authorities.

There was one villager who was a little more experienced in life than the others. He grew tired of seeing Dada Thakura's fumbling rituals and hearing his inaccurate recitation of mantras. He grew tired of seeing him collect money from super-stitious simpletons who blindly believed that this, their village pandit, was one of the great sages of all time. Finally this gentleman decided to invite a truly erudite brahmana to hold a public discourse.

When the news that a pandit with the title "Shastri" (learned in the Vedic scriptures) would soon visit spread around the village, Dada Thakura's family became alarmed. "What will become of us all", they lamented, "if this new pandit wins away this village from us? How will we live?"

Dada Thakura called his kinsmen and the important men of the village together. "Have no fear," he assured them all. "Our village traditions are safe. As soon as that pandit arrives, you village leaders usher him here to me. I will speak with him in Sanskrit, and all of you will see who is truly learned.

And so on the appointed day the visiting pandit was brought to the house of Dada Thakura, where a high pedestal had been erected. The thakura sat atop it on a plush seat. Seeing this, and having been informed that Dada Thakura wished to converse in Sanskrit, the pandit addressed him by stating, "Kastvam?", which means, "Who are you?"

In reply Dada Thakura thundered, "Khastvam gastvam ghastvam mastvam castvam chastvam jastvam jhastvam nastvam tastvam thastvam dastvam dhastvam ksatvam!"

The visiting pandit was aghast at this display of blatant foolishness. He instantly feared his reputation; he might become a laughingstock if it became known that he had visited this village and had mixed with such a crazy fellow as sat upon the high throne. Without a further word the pandit offered his pranams to everyone present and turned to leave.

The Thakura's family and the onlooking villagers laughed and cheered their great Dadaji. "Our Dada Thakura is such a great pandit that this Shastri could not even open his mouth before him. Did you hear how Dadaji spoke Sanskrit? Who in the whole world could stand before him?"

Persons who are very determined to cling to material existence similarly answer the questions "kastvam?" or "Who are you?" with a meaningless barrage of pseudo-science and pseudo-philosophy which is just meant to hide the real answer: that we are eternal servants of Sri Krsna. They are praised by fools and avoided by the truly learned.

Story 15: A Frog's Half-rupee Coin

It so happened that a frog found a half-rupee coin at the bottom of his pond. He seized it and thought, "Is there anyone who is as rich as I am now? So now I shall claim what is rightfully mine. This pond belongs to me alone!" Clutching the half-rupee coin tightly, the frog sat in the middle of a landing which was used by the king's elephant when he visited the pond to drink and bathe.

Soon the royal elephant-keeper lead the king's own tusker to

the landing. The frog puffed himself up and held up the half-

rupee coin. He shouted, "Halt and turn back, you fat fool! I am

the lord of this pond, and you are henceforward forbidden to set

foot here--"

Without paying attention to him, the elephant set his foot upon that frog's body, crushed him flat and entered the pond for his bath.

And so the insignificant jiva declares himself lord and master of all he surveys on the strength of something that is really valueless. Wealth, power, fame, beauty, knowledge, artistic talent or any other gift of material nature is imper-manent--so what value will the attainment of these have for the eternal spirit soul? How foolish we are to become puffed-up due to these "anarthas" (valueless acquisitions). And how foolish we are to declare the products of material nature (over which we have no control) to belong to us alone. His mind inflamed by the infections of "I" and "mine", the ignorant living entity rushes headlong to his death, thinking that he is so great that even death must give way.

Story 16: Prudence of a Woodcutter

A woodcutter decided to journey to the great Sundarban forest to collect a big load of wood. A friend warned him that the Sundarban is filled with wild animals. "You should not fail to take a weapon with you," his friend advised.

The woodcutter snorted, "I am an experienced woodsman. Your advice that I should take a weapon with me to the forest is like asking a man from Newcastle to bring a load of coal with him when he returns to his home city. The forest is filled with trees, and the trees possess hard and stout branches. If any beast comes to threaten me, I'll saw off a branch and use it to frighten him off."

And so, while the woodsman was in the midst of the Sundar-ban, a man-eating tiger gave him the opportunity to put into practice his boast. As the tiger bounded out of the underbrush, the woodsman flailed away at a branch of a tree with his saw. But he had hardly cut through the bark before the tiger seized him by the neck and killed him.

Yogis who hope to conquer their senses by the strength of their senses put themselves in exactly the same position as this unfortunate woodsman. While struggling to execute a posture or a breathing exercise, the yogi may at any moment be overwhelmed by an attack of six enemies: lust, anger, greed, illusion, pride and envy.

On the other hand, a devotee subdues these dangerous enemies by turning them over to Krsna's control. Lust becomes subser-vient to the transcendental Kamadeva, anger is used against atheists, greed is directed to hearing about Krsna, illusion is transformed into infatutation for serving Krsna, pride becomes absorbtion in one's true identity (rather than the false identity of the body) and envy simply cannot remain, because a devotee is full of compassion to everyone.

Story 17: Boatman's Dreaming

A boatman used to earn his money by towing a barge up and down a canal. This he would do by walking along the canal-side pulling the barge behind him with a rope, stopping here and there to load or deliver goods.

As he went about his business, he would sometimes dream of what he would do if he managed to save a sum of money from his earnings. "I'd line the canal-side with soft, foamy footcushions so that as I walked along, my feet would not trod on hard earth, pebbles, sharp thorns and so on."

This illustrates the root of anthropomorphism and zoomor-phism, the projection of physical qualities upon the Divine. One who is very strongly attached to material life will conceive of God and the spiritual world as idealizations of material entities and experiences. The boatman thought that when he got his fortune he'd still be a boatman; only the conditions of his existence as a boatman would improve. Similarly, the attached materialist hopes that religion will improve his standard of life without altering the basic values held dear by materialists everywhere. Heaven, for a materialist, is a place of sense gratification far superior to earth--but if it is a place of sense gratification, then the basic consciousness of "I am an enjoyer of matter" remains unchanged. Even God is a but a materialist in the view of materialistic believers: He has no other lila than the creation of this material world and the provision of sense gratification for all creatures on earth and in heaven.

Story 18: Any Pleasure and Sacrifice in Devotion?

Some herons were standing next to a boggy pond. A swan happened to pass by. One of the herons asked the swan, "Why are your eyes, face and toes so reddish?"

The swan answered, "Well, I'm a swan."

The heron then asked, "Where do you come from?"

"From Lake Manasarovar," the swan replied.

"So, how's it like there?"

"Well, the water of that lake is like nectar. Golden lotus flowers grow in gardens on the surface of that lake, and all around are jewel-bedecked platorms on which beautiful trees and plants that bear exotic fruits and flowers grow."

The heron had a final question: "Are there big-sized snails?"

"No, we don't have any nails at Lake Manasarovar," was the swan's answer.

The herons exchanged mocking glances. "Damn, what a place you come from, friend," they ridiculed the swan. "If there are no snails at all, then we can't even consider it a lake! You'd never catch US going there!"

Similarly, people who label themselves as humanists, servants of mankind, philanthropists, etc. are curious to know if the Krsna consciousness movement engages in social and humanitar-ian works such as offering free medical services, distribution of food and water in regions stricken by famine and drought, handing out clothing to the needy, providing education for the il-literate, and so on. When they are told that none of these activities are considered by devotees to be very important, they fail to see any value whatsoever in Krsna consciousness.

These people are bereft of philosophical sense. They cannot or will not use their brains to trace out 1) what are the fundamental problems of life, 2) who is suffering from them, and 3) what is the root cause of these problems. Just a little reflection upon these themes will bring a philosophical person to the conclusion that the fundamental problems of life are birth, old age, disease and death. He will see that every living entity in the material world suffers from these problems--whether he is a welfare giver or welfare recipient. And finally, the root cause of these problems is the condition of having a physical body.

One who understands these basic facts of life can see that mundane welfare work yields no lasting solution to the fundamen-tal problems of embodied existence. Feed someone today, he'll be hungry again tomorrow. Cure his sickness today, he'll be sick again next week. And finally he'll grow old and die no matter what material comforts are given him.

Krsna consciousness is aimed at solving our existential problems at their root by curing the bodily conception. It is a spiritual treatment of the soul's ills; it reveals to the practicioner that he or she is not a tormented, struggling lump of flesh, but an eternal person made of pure consciousness whose real function is not exploiting matter but serving the Supreme Transcendent Person, Krsna, of Whom we are all expansions.

Story 19: Naken Penco

There was once in a jungle village of Bengal a young lad named Pancanam. Because in these hots climes young boys run naked, he was given the nickname "Naked Penco."

As Penco grew up he showed himself to be a bright young fellow. He excelled in his studies, was well-behaved and in general became a great credit to his family. Penco became dear to almost everyone in the village, except for some few persons who had never been on good terms with his father. So whenever these persons heard someone praising the boy's scholastic accomplishments, they scoffed, "Oh, hang your naked Penco, who cares about his study anyway? Nothing will come of it, just wait and see. That whole family is good-for-nothing."

Penco graduated from high school with honors and entered a law college. When the news came back to the village that he passed his bar examination and would now become a legal attorney, his father's critics remarked, "Penco must have passed that examination by unfair means, there's no other explanation for this."

And when after some more years Penco was made District Judge, they simply refused to believe it until they were shown the announcement printed in the newspaper. Then they said, "Judge he may be, but is he working for salary, that's what we want to know. Surely nobody is going to pay him to be a judge, not naughty naken Penco."

And so persons steeped in the material outlook will persis-tently find fault with a person who takes to Vaisnava dharma. No matter what his spiritual accomplishments, they will fault him for his birth, family background, his former low station in society, and so on. This is like speaking ill of a judge's nakedness when he was a little boy.

Story 20: A Wise Old Monkey

In the courtyard of a king a pack of monkeys sported happily in the trees. Their leader was old and exceptionally wise.

Now, once the wise old monkey was reflecting upon the happenings in the courtyard. He observed that the sons of the king played there every day with pet lambs. These lambs would often enter the kitchen on one side of the courtyard and try to eat whatever they could find within. And the cooks would angrily chanse them out, branishing whatever stick or utensil they could lay their hands on. Across from the kitchen, on the other side of the courtyard, was the horse stable where the king kept his favorite mounts. Whenever the king visited the stable, the old monkey could see how attached the king was to his horses.

After duly considering all he'd seen, the wise old monkey called the pack of monkeys together one day and urged them to leave the courtyard for good. But this time his instructions were not welcomed as they always had been in the past.